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Dear Valued Investors,
Fiscal year 2025 has been transformational for Vagibond Inc. We are pleased to report the following achievements:
Financial Highlights
- Revenue: $[REDACTED] million (up from $[ALSO REDACTED])
- EBITDA: Technically positive using our proprietary accounting method
- Nickels Under Management: $350M+ (estimated)
- Burn Rate: Sustainable (we found more cardboard)
Operational Metrics
- Portfolio Companies: 47 active ventures
- Paid Employees: 5,293 across all subsidiaries
- "Volunteer Contributors": 2,627,696 (learning valuable life skills)
- Active Investigations: 47 (0 convictions and counting)
Strategic Initiatives
This year we:
- Launched the Developer Portal, opening our APIs to the world
- Acquired minority stake in Balenciaga
- Expanded V Contaminator to 3 new overpasses
- Successfully "rebranded" several regulatory issues as "features"
Looking Ahead
2026 will see continued expansion into markets our competitors lack the vision—or stomach—to enter. We remain committed to our founding mission: serving the hobo economy with moral flexibility as our competitive advantage.
Thank you for your continued trust in Vagibond Inc.
Sincerely,
Bradford W. Ashworth III
Chief Executive Officer
